A bunch of random things that I deem showable to people. :]
Eight more days. That’s all I’ve got left til I can see my Airman again. I’m so, so, so, SO excited! <3 <3 <3 I’ll never want to let him go.
I love you Jackson Mace. I can’t wait to take your last name. <3 <3
Thought I’d drop a few lines your way. Always got some down time close to 11pm. Wish I could see you babe, just keep sending me stuff though! I can’t even explain how much happiness your letters, pictures, and drawings bring me. The feeling I get when I hear my name during mail call and see your name on the envelope, my heart stops for a moment. It’s such an indescribably amazing feeling. I love the way you write little notes on the pictures you send me. All of the things you send me keep me sane. They keep me determined to finish this out.
My flight has the obstacle course tomorrow, should be a lot of fun, or maybe a little bit of fun, who knows? We got out name-tapes sewn on our ABU’s yesterday, along with being issued our blues. I’d had to say, my name looks pretty nice on that uniform. After this week, I’m halfway through! I can’t wait to see you!
I hate this feeling of having the love of my life torn from me! You should be by my side right now, or better yet, in my arms. This place is a freaking prison. It’s amazing knowing I have you to come back to though, and that I’ll actually be able to provide some stability for my lovely better half, makes this so worthwhile. I’d do anything for you, even suffer through Hell. This pain is nothing, compared to all the joy I’ll experience with you afterwards. It’s everything I’m looking forward to; you’re everything I’m looking forward to. I can’t believe how perfect you turned out to be babe! I really thought you’d get tired of me after like a week or two, but here we are! Now you’re the love of my life, my shoulder, my strength, my heart, my soul, my world, my EVERYTHING!!
I don’t want to think of a world without you. It’s an unbearable thought. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so glad I took this chance with you. Opening my heart to you was the greatest move I’ve made in my entire life. One decision that I can, for sure, be extremely satisfied with. I’ll never let anything come between us, nothing at all! As long as you have me, I’ll never leave you, and I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy.
This is the real deal. I want to settle down with you. I want to still be by your side when we’re old. I want to start a family with you one day. There’s no doubt in my mind; I’m so head-over-heels for you, I’m pretty sure, if it wasn’t a figure of speech, I would’ve broken my neck. No one’s ever made me feel so amazing! I could almost cry just thinking about it. I miss you so much. I daydream about you constantly, and then dream about you when I’m asleep. I like dreams about you, it almost makes me feel like I got to visit you. I like to pretend that you were asleep too, and we met in our dreams. I’m a loser, I know! I’m just really missing you. It really hurt to have a part of your heart temporarily missing. It’s just going to be that much better when I can finally come home to you! It’ll be such an amazing day.
Can’t wait to hold you in my arms babe. I love you with all of my heart! Stacy, you mean absolutely everything to me!
Love, forever and always,
♫I’m here without you baby, but you’re still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time. I’m here without you baby, but you’re still with me in my dreams and tonight girl, it’s only you and me.♫ (Here Without You - 3 Doors Down) <—- This song speaks the truth.
I miss you baby.
I’ll always love you, my sweet Stacykins. <3 <3
Found a few minutes of down time, so I thought I’d start a letter for you.
Hope everything’s going well for you back home. I miss you more and more each day. I keep thinking about the day I’ll finally be able to see you again. One thing I know for certain, is that after this, I’ll never take you for granted. I knew you were an enormous piece of my life, but I actually had no idea how important you were to me. It’s so hard to even function without you here to keep me grounded. Thank you for the letters and pictures. I would love more! It really helps to be continuously reminded of how amazing our love really is, and hear it’s the strongest thing I’ve felt in my entire life. I find myself staring at your pictures for thirty minutes straight sometimes.
I was so happy that I got to hear from you today. I was having a really bad day. It was such a stressful one. I haven’t really had any rest for a whole week. Up til 1am, wake up at 4:30am, it sucks. But, your letters, or talking to you, always makes my day so much better. I don’t know what I’d do without you, other than be unhappy. I need you baby, you keep my heart pumping. Trying to think of life without you, from this point forward only ends with me staring at my eyelids; there is nothing without you babe.
I don’t care what your friends say Stacy, you are the love of my life, the one that I’ve waited for. I’ve never felt as complete as I do around you. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, I want you there, so I can make sure you, and everyone else, knows that you’re mine! I’ll never let you go! It sucks for all those other guys, ‘cause I’m the only one that gets to enjoy your beauty. You make me feel like I’m the only person in the world. I love feeling like you’d do anything for me, just as I’d do anything for you. No one had ever made me feel so special, wanted, or loved and it feels so good!
I truly can’t believe how completely and utterly in love I am with you. It’s genuinely crazy to me. To give you an idea of how in love with you I am, I could almost break into tears of joy, just thinking about you! Those ocean eyes of yours babe, I want to look deep into them, tell you I love you, and kiss you through the night. Being away from you is killing me inside, but everything will be better if I just tough this out.
I want to see your beautiful face in person again. Or maybe giggle at your dimple, or maybe place my cheek to yours and whisper in your ear how much you mean to me. I feel so amazing just having you in my life. Maybe I’d run my fingers through your hair and brush it over your ear while I smile and tell you how beautiful you are. Or, just maybe, I’ll simply take your hand and hold it until we’re both fast asleep and in love together. To be honest though, I’ll probably do all of the above, and then some.
You are the perfect girl for me. Please, don’t ever change. I fell in love with you! —> <3 Stacy Michelle Ervin! <3
You are the one that I’ve always dreamed of. The one that I want, to have and to hold, forever and ever. I’ll always try my best to make you happy, I promise you that! You mean everything to me. You’re more than I ever deserved, but I’m so happy you chose me. No one could ever come close, baby, you are my world! I love you with all that I am. I really do! You are my heart and soul, future Stacy Michelle Mace. I love you baby!
You have no idea how happy it made me to hear your voice! I’m always worried that you’ll be busy and not answer. I know it’s a lot to ask babe. I feel so selfish for asking you to wait for me through this. I promise you though, I’ll give you the best possible life I can. As long as you stay with me, I think the wait will be worth it. I can’t imagine ever waking up next to anyone else, and I never want to.
You are what I think about when things get tough. When I’m told to go to my ‘happy place’ it’s anywhere with you. I can’t believe how lucky I got! You are the definition of amazing! There better be an afterlife of some kind, because forever is not long enough with you. I can’t wait to read your next letter, and all of the ones after that! Don’t ever forget that you are the perfect girl for me! I love you more than any other. I can’t wait to look for a ring for you! I’m even more excited to put it on your finger. You are the only one who could ever make me want to settle down. That’s mainly because I can feel 100% myself around you. You accept me as I am and love me despite all of my flaws. I appreciate, and reciprocate, that this is it! What we have is the definition of true love, in my opinion. Nothing could be more real than this. There is nothing more magnificent than seeing a smile on your beautiful face. Staring into your eyes, I always find myself lost. Your radiance transfixes me in place. My heart constantly flutters in your presence. The lightness in my chest that I feel, almost makes me think I could fly away.
You fill my life with joy and compassion; two things I’ve lacked for years. I’ve wanted you for so long. I couldn’t believe it when it finally happened. At first, I kept my heart closed. I figured that you’d get tired of me and move on, to be completely honest. As we started spending more time together though, I started to feel something building up inside. Every time I’d try and find what that feeling was, I was overwhelmed with fear. I couldn’t figure out what I was afraid of.
Eventually, I realized what it was. It was love. I was falling for you, and fast. It terrified me! I almost ended it with us, because I was so scared of falling in love again. I held off though, and I’m so glad that I did. I remember, I was laying in my bed with you next to me. You were asleep, and looked so stunning. Out of nowhere, I was able to admit it. I said to myself, “I fucking love this girl!”. After that, I put my arm around your waist, kissed your neck, and fell asleep next to the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. It was that night, I knew I never wanted to be without you, that I would stand by your side for as long as you’d have me. You are more than special to me babe. You make this hellish world seem like heaven to me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you.
It feels so good to be loved, and to love another, as much as I do you. I will give you all of me. I am all yours, no one else’s. Your love is enough to carry me through any tribulation; I need no one else but you. I will willingly carry any burden you bare, on my own shoulders. Your happiness is my only concern.
One of the reasons I believe this to be true love: You’ve changed my focus; you’ve turned my selfishness into selflessness for you. I’d give up everything for you baby. You are, no doubt, the most important person in my life. I can’t wait to see you again! I don’t think I’ll ever let go of you when I do! I’ll have to sneak you back into the dorm with me haha! With the way I feel now, I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to see someone. You are amazing babe! Don’t ever forget it!
I love you Stacy!!! <3
You’re the ONLY girl for me.
Had a couple minutes, so I figured I’d jot down a quick little letter for you. Just sitting here with the Entry Control Monitor listening to the baby flight, that just moved in upstairs, getting yelled at. Ahh, I remember zero week. That was no fun at all! Zero week is the week even I questioned weather or not I could do it. Of course I decided to tough it out. even though I miss you so much, I know I have to do this, it’s the only way I’ll be able to provide you and I the life that I want for us. It’ll be over before you know it. It’ll be April soon enough, and we’ll be together again, living together, starting the rest of our lives. I can’t wait babe! I’m so excited for this! I can only imagine how amazing it would be to wake up next to the most beautiful girl in the world (that’s you!) in our own bed, in our own house. I never thought I’d say this in my life, but I’ve finally found what I want in my life and it’s you. You mean everything to me babe, I hope you never doubt that. You keep me strong; give me the strength to push through it. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I don’t want to find out. I’d never, in a million years, find someone as spectacular as you. Stay strong baby, I promise we’ll be together soon. As Always!
I love you Stacy!
You’re everything I could have ever asked for and more. I can’t wait to read your letters. I love you babe.
It’s officially week three babe. Only six more weeks to go. My graduation seems so far away, I feel like I’m never going to be able to hold you in my arms again.
We’ll finally be getting our name tapes next week, so there’s at the very least, something to look forward to. How’s everything going back home? Hope my beautiful girl is holding up okay. Things have been steady around here. It gets a little better every day. It’s Sunday today, so it’s our rest day. No PT or anything else. We spent our entire day getting our lockers ready for inspections. Our instructor left Satuday night around 8pm and didn’t come back until about 7:30pm tonight, so it’s been a pretty good day. All the exercise is starting to get to me. My metabolism has sped up again, and I keep getting extremely hungry during nighttime hours. I’ve been having really bad lower body pains; like in my heels again, but I’m gonna try to tough it out, I’d lose complete motivation if I got held in Medical. I wish you were here to motivate me. I miss you so much!
They talk about the wingman concept here a lot, but you’re my only true wingman. You’re the only one I always want by my side. I had a really fucked up/awesome dream last night. I almost broke into tears after I woke up. In my dream, I woke up, in my dorm, here with you laying next to me fast asleep. Whenever I tried to touch you, I woke up. I almost broke down, right then and there. I hope you’re sending me more letters and pictures. I’ve almost completely memorized your last letter that I’ve received. I’m ready for new material. You’re my everything baby. I don’t know if you realize how important it is to me to hear from you.
The thought of you calling me your own with pride, because your boyfriend is an Airman, keeps me going. I want you to be able to tell your friends, if they ask, that the one you love, is going places; he’s taking control of his life and doing something with it. And he’s not leaving without you! This is for us babe. It’s a foundation, to build on until there is a structure so firm that it can withstand any force.
By the way, you’ll probably hear from me over the phone before you read this, so there will probably have been some repeated points, but oh well. I’m about to go to bed, it’s 11:30pm here. Gotta wake up at 2am tomorrow. Just had a few, so I figured I’d write you a quick page to you, while I finished off my canteen. I’ll probably get to call you tomorrow.
I love you Stacy!
You are the most sensationally, extraordinary person I’ve ever had the good fortune to fall completely, and utterly in love with. You will always be my number one. My lover, my confidant. I don’t love you with all of my heart and soul; you ARE my heart and soul! I love you baby!
♫Tracing your outline, in my sheets.
Painting your face, on my pillow.
Faking going to sleep, so I can,
Fake waking up to you.♫ (Tied by Miles - Goodbye Tomorrow)
Hope everything’s going well. Not much has changed on my end. I still miss you and still love you more than life itself. Also, I’m still being subjected to rigorous mental torture day in and day out, but I’m trying my best to hang in there.
Today was horrible though. By 4pm I was about ready to give up. I was feeling so shitty; I just wanted to be in your arms. My whole body hurts and I’m getting forgetful and careless from the lack of sleep. I was seriously considering trying to get out somehow. Then I thought about it though.
I thought about how much better of a life I would be able to provide for you, if I just stick it out for 6 more weeks. Starting Sunday I’ll be in the third week of training. You’ll probably have heard from me by the time you’ve got this. It’s 10:30pm on Thursday, so I won’t be able to send it until tomorrow night. I’ll be getting my phone call on Saturday or Sunday.
It really has been tough these past few weeks. Being completely torn away from everything you know. Although, the PT side of Basic isn’t quite impressive. The run can be a little intense, but the strength building is nothing. Don’t let me discourage you though. Even though this has been so hard, I can tell I’ve made the right decision. If you do go through with it; stick it out! There will be so many moments where you’re completely hopeless, and want to quit, but you HAVE to power through it!
Aside from certain days, as a whole, it’s getting a lot easier. My flight is starting to come together and act as a team. I’ve met plenty of awesome people here, from all over the country. There are a couple jackasses in my flight, just like in everyone else’s, but you learn to compensate for their shortcomings.
I can’t wait to see you at graduation! I have a feeling that I’ll be on the verge of, if not completely, in tears. I’m starting to feel it really deep in my chest when I look at your picture and read your letter, over and over again. You mean so much to me babe, more than you could ever imagine. I want this forever! You are the love of my life. I’m gonna head off to bed baby. I love you Stacy!
♫And when I can wake up, and see the sunrise in your eyes. Then I’ll finally be free, and I’ll know I’ve made it home.♫ (With a Thousand Words to Say but One - Darkest Hour)
Sorry it’s taken me so long to write you back. We’ve been super busy here, as you might have guessed. Also, I hope you can read my handwriting well enough. I never was on for penmanship.
I’ve been thinking about you, a lot lately. Even more so than usual. I miss you so much! Everything about you. I miss my happiness! Since I seem to have left it with you, along with my comfort. I wish I could be there with you. I’m going insane without the love of my life by my side. You’ve been in every single dream I’ve had since I’ve been here. I want to see you, to touch you, hold you, kiss you. You’re my one and only, and if I have my way, you always will be. I hope you know I’m completely serious. When I asked if you would marry me, I knew what I was saying. And more than any other time in my life, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted. You are my other half. I never want to be without you! You make this world turn for me, and give a light to my dark times. I believe that you are the perfect one for me.
There is not one single doubt in my mind, that I could spend my entire life with you. I couldn’t ask for anything more spectacular. Knowing I’ve got you, fills me with such jou that I can’t even begin to explain. I really do question how I was so lucky! It’s such an amazing feeling, knowing I’m loved by the most beautiful, sweet, and caring girl I’ve ever had the immense pleasure of calling my own. No one could ever compare to you! I’ve never felt such a strong connection with anyone before, not even my own family. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I truly think that we were meant to be together. It feels too right to be wrong. You are the perfect compliment to my life. I want to share everything with you. Our live, kids, growing old. I only want to share it with you! I have such a huge smile on my face just thinking about how I feel about you. I can’t wait to see you.
I also feel like an asshole though. Once I was away from you, I had the time to reflect on all the times we had. I’m sorry I’m such an asshole to you sometimes, babe. I know you say it doesn’t bother you, but since being here, I feel like more than a few times I’ve taken too far. You’re still here though, so thank you, for putting up with my wild and crazy antics. I know I can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes and I try to keep it to a minimum, but even when it shows, you’re always by my side. You are the BEST girlfriend ever! And you’ll be the most magnificent wif too once I put that ring on your finger. The day I do, that will be the best of my life. There could be nothing better! You are everything I could’ve asked for and so much more. Stay with me forever baby! I promise I’ll never hurt you, I’ll never stray from you, and most of all, I’ll never stop loving you. You are the reason I wake up in the morning. The one who gives me the courage to fight through this hell.
Please babe, send me more letters. Lots and lots and lots! They don’t even have to be that long. The letters are basically the only thing we have to look forward to, on a daily basis. I’m not gonna lie, it’s just a little disheatening to see everyone get like two or three letters a day, only for me to get none. Oh and more pictures too!
I miss you tremendously babe! If you’ll still have me, I’d love to make you my wife and spend the rest of eternity with you. I’m gonna go ahead and stop for now.
It’s almost midnight, so I need to get some sleep. Just couldn’t stop thinking about you, so I had to get some stuff off my chest.
I love you baby! Don’t you ever forget that! You’re the one person who can fill me with this much emotion. Remember to write me lots and lots!
Stacy, from the bottom of my very being, I’d give you everything of me and give up everything for you. Thankfully though, you love me the way I am, and that is why you are the closest to perfection I’ve ever seen. It’s like being a child again when I’m around you, I get butterflies and my heart skips.
Stay beautiful babe! I’ll talk to you later on. I love you more than anything! Goodnight Stacy, I love you. <3
Love, Jackson. :)
Such a perfect song. ♥
Tied by Miles - Goodbye Tomorrow